"boy i’m in a great mood!"
"oh, please. you can’t REALLY be in a great mood. there are people out there who just got raises. people just got married. people are being reunited with their families right now. how dare you say you’re happy."
The equivalent of someone saying you can’t be sad because other people have it worse than you.
We’re all two people.
The person you are, and the person you can be.
The difference is, the promise of who I can be, doesn’t cover up the hurt and mistakes I’ve made, as the person I am.
Emotions be like :):
Unedited thoughts about you
He tells me it hurts
bad decisions claw at his insides
regret burrows it’s way though his brain
and he tells me he’s hesitant, tentative
careful not to step on anyone’s toes
so he ends up tip toeing around them
afraid of revealing his vulnerable
his not knowing, undecided, confusion
because he’s disappointed, unsatisfied with his own growth
but unsure of where to get the fertilizer
afraid he can’t go back
uncertain of how to move forward,
so he’s stuck in a life he isn’t proud of
He tells me it isn’t easy
drowning in debt he cannot pay with this dead end job
a job he shouldn’t have to have
but he fucked up
bad decisions and sacrificed relationships he now has a reputation he carries like the burden of all the words people have spat in his direction and whispered behind his back
as if they were stitched into his skin
not only a visible target
but a reminder in the mirror, that he shouldn’t smile
that he should keep his mouth shut
and his head low
because he has nothing to be proud of
only a trail of bad decisions leading to nowhere
so he believes he is no one
He’s hesitant to open up to me
he is afraid of hurting me
But I say NO… I will not be damaged by your existence,
I will not believe your past self is the only man you can be
so stand tall
broaden your shoulders, straighten your back
you deserve to be here.
open your eyes to the world
part you lips and breathe it in
smile, enjoy the little things
revel in your small successes
don’t dwell on your failures, there will be plenty of them
Plant your roots
be patient with your own growth
the growth will not be steady
realize many things can be fertilizers, be open to allowing them into your life
lift your hands to the sun,
let it’s ray photosynthesize in your skin
bury your feet in the dirt, feel the soil between your toes
feel the earth beneath your feel and be one with it
drink up all it has to offer and accept yourself right now, the way you are
accept you are human
one that has a lot more growing to do
despite your mistakes, you deserve more than you give yourself credit for. You deserve to have someone stand by your side in this process of change. I will be that person, even if you are hesitant to let me in… I am not going anywhere.
When I cannot sleep he kisses my forehead, pulls me into his chest and tells me he’s happy
When I stir,
when dreams take over my sleepy consciousness he pulls me close kisses my forehead and whispers ‘I’ve got you.’ He holds me until my breathing slows and I relax into his embrace
As the sun spills through the shades he breathes good morning into mouth and tells me I’m more prefect than the sun rise, even though my eyes are sleepy and my hair is a mess
He kisses me softly
I drink my coffee with too much sugar and smoke flavoured cigarettes before even getting dressed
He laughs and kisses me anyway
No matter what the day throws at us I know I will be okay because I get to come home to him and wake up to mornings like this"
I haven’t met you yet but I know you’re out there
Thanks for sending this to me hun :)
5 things I like about myself:
1. My smile. It is something that I got from my mom which I love.
2. My passion and ability to care for other people
3. My writing
4. My short hair
5. My style/personality in terms of the fact that I am somewhat androgynous. I can be both feminine and masculine in the way that I look and I am who I am regardless of gender expectations
It’s crazy that I still think about you every day